Throughout my twenties, I got tons of questions about my singleness. For example, “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” or “When are you getting married?” I would usually respond with grace but the moment I reached my thirties, I couldn’t help but start really thinking over those questions. The truth is, singleness can be challenging no matter what age you are. However, during the pandemic, I’ve learned to appreciate this time in my life more and see singleness from a different perspective.
SINGLENESS IS A GOOD GIFT FROM GOD
James 1:17 says “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” I do believe that singleness is a good gift from God. However, I have my moments when this is hard to remember. For example, in 2020, five of my close friends were scheduled to get married and two of my younger sisters got into relationships. At that time, I felt more alone in my singleness than ever.
However, instead of feeling bitter or sad about my circumstances, I prayed. I asked God, “What do You want me to learn from this?” He used this prayer to help me find my purpose and role for this time. First, I became an accountability partner for my two younger sisters in their relationships to check in on them as they date. I also became more intentional with my engaged friends by supporting and praying for them as they embarked on a new journey in marriage. While in quarantine, I even seized the opportunity to send care packages to friends and check in on how they were doing. You see, singleness in the midst of the pandemic has been a good gift to me, because it led me to a greater purpose and role.
SINGLENESS IS A PERFECT GIFT FROM GOD
Gien Karssen, a Dutch minister and Biblical scholar wrote, “My advice to young singles is don’t consider this period as ‘waiting for the best to come.’” We can easily fall into the trap of thinking that singleness is just a temporary period of waiting or a long bump in the road on the journey to your romantic partner. The danger in thinking this way is that we end up missing out the beauty and joy that can be found in living a full, rich life in the present. As a single during the pandemic I finally learned to enjoy my present life to the fullest. I became intentional with my time, developed good habits and learned new hobbies like gardening and working out. I sought purpose-filled relationships and quality time with my family. In the stillness of quarantine, I took the opportunity to deepen my relationship with God through reading His Word and soaking up wisdom from sermon podcasts. My singleness truly has been a perfect gift from God during this season.
Like any other single man or woman, and even those in relationships, I do become lonely sometimes. I’m human, after all. God did say in Genesis 2:18, “It is not good for man to be alone.” We were meant for community. If you feel lonely too, don’t lose hope. In Hebrews 4:15-16, Paul said, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are-yet He did not sin. Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
In the moments that I feel lonely, I cling to God even more and offer up my struggles to Him in prayer. In those intimate moments, I experience more of God’s love, comfort and peace. My feelings or emotions might change like shifting shadows, but God’s faithfulness and love doesn’t change.
ADAPTING AN ETERNAL PERSPECTIVE
While I do desire marriage someday, I have learned to see marriage with an eternal perspective in mind. See, marriage is a good and perfect gift in this life, but just like singleness is a circumstance, it’s only for this lifetime. The Bible shows us that marriage is meant to be a reflection of Christ’s love for the Church. Likewise, I look forward to the eternal marriage that awaits us in Heaven – our eternal union to our Savior Jesus Christ. While marriage is a good gift, the thing that I want most is a deep relationship with Jesus, the giver of the good gifts receive.
“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” -2 Corinthians 4:18
Not sure how your season of singleness is part of God’s plan for your life? Check out these extra resources from Liquid Church for encouragement and further learning:
- MESSAGE: Happily Ever Before - In part 2 of our Relationship Goals series, watch Pastor Kayra Montanez debunk four singleness myths by combatting cultural lies with the wisdom of God’s truth.
- MESSAGE: Single and Satisfied - In part 1 of our First Comes Love series, listen in as Pastor Nithin Thompson leads a Q&A session of singles, asking them how their seasons of singleness have impacted their walk with God. Click here to watch.
- ARTICLE: Singlehood & Dating: Dani’s Story - For a personal perspective on singleness, read this interview with Union County Garwood’s very own Daniella Martins.